Yay new friends.

Quick things about me (since my faq/about is pretty haphazard):

• I’m a Christian, and my beliefs are very strong, but I don’t often discuss them on tumblr because I don’t like drama and that’s what it always turns into on this site. If there’s anything you want to know, I’ll discuss it privately.
• I’ve been married to Jeremy for 10 years.
• We adopted Ryland when he was 2 days old.
• I used to post a lot of pictures of myself, but now I post a lot of Ryland.
• I’m new to trying to eat intuitively and still working on balancing things out.
• I like to run, and used to do it a lot more, but now I have to go with Ryland in the stroller, so I’m a lot slower.

I’ve lost a good bit of followers in the past few days (aka since Ryland has been sick and that’s been pretty much all I post). For those of you who have stuck around, thank you.

I’ve also gained a good bit (so it really balances out) since the start of this year. My new followers are probably pretty confused because they thought they were following some sort of health/fitness blog, but all you can tell so far is that I have a baby and he’s been sick (also that I have an incredible husband who’s also been sick and 1 anon that likes to pick on me).

So here’s some more things to know about me:

• I’m a Christian, and that impacts pretty much every aspect of my life- often even impacting which blogs I follow.
• I’ve been married 10 years to this guy:  This pic was from a DIY slip n’ slide party we hosted)
• We like to do things like camping . hiking , and canoeing (this was during one of our trips)
• All of this has been put on hold because on September 4, 2012, we got the call that this little guy  had been born and needed parents. We were placed with him 2 days later and named him Ryland Cypress 
• Now he’s 4 months old and loves to smile and play and roll. 
• In high school, I ate (mostly) what I wanted, played soccer, and ran XC & track. 
• I stayed semi-active in my first couple years of college between intramurals and occasional jogs around campus, then we got married in the middle of my junior year (Dec. 2002). 
• I had started struggling with secret eating the semester before, and this caused me to start gaining weight. Despite attempts at various diets, I eventually gained 40 lbs, topping out at 170in the summer of ‘08. 
• We wanted to start trying to conceive, but didn’t want me to get pregnant while overweight only to become obese afterwards, so I started seriously trying to eat better. That combined with going of birth control, I was about to lose +/- 25 lbs by the end of the year. I hovered in the 140s for a while after that point. 
• August 2010, I decided I wanted to get back to what I felt like was my best weight- between 135 & 130 lbs. I started a diet.
• I joined Tumblr in September 2010, not after watching Ben’s video, like so many of you, but because I was searching for thinspo and before & afters. I started my blog so I could see a progress blog. I started off following only weight loss blogs- some thinspo and some “real people” ones.
• In February ‘11, I hit my adjusted goal weight of 127, but wasn’t able to stay there long. 
• I’ve maintained in the 130s since then.
• My blog has gone from a weight loss/ thinspo (but never the scary kind)/ fitspo/running blog to a whatever has happened in my life with some fitness on the side blog.
• I read Inuititive Eating a couple months ago, and I’m trying to implement it in my life. This means there will be no more talk of calories or weight or “bad” foods on my blog. I may still talk about my body issues because that it part of my healing process. I still struggle with secret eating, and will talk about that some, too.

If there’s anything else you want to know, just ask. I don’t check out new followers’ blogs because there are still some thinspo ones that for some reason still follow me, and that junk still messes with my head. Introduce yourself, and we may be friends!

RANDOM FACTS! REBLOG REPOST SO YOUR FOLLOWERS CAN LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU.

This is really long, so….

Read More

“Do you believe everything the bible says? The church? (I mean no disrespect, I'm honestly just curious.)”

“Is your internet down?”

Part 1

I didn’t mean to put this off for so long.

Semi-trigger warning. If you’re sensitive, you may want to scroll past. If you’ve known me for over a year, you’re probably fine.

Since this is about some unhealthy things I did to lose/try to lose weight, I’m going to skip most of the time when I was gaining.

During “the gaining years” (2003-mid 2008), I tried all kinds of diets. (These aren’t in any kind of order.)  I tried Atkins for a few weeks and learned that I am not one that can cut out carbs. I felt so weak and sluggish.

I tried “Weight Loss 4 Idiots,” and once again felt pretty drained after a week or so, this time because I probably wasn’t eating enough. You get 4 meals a day of certain foods in prescribed combinations and are allowed to eat until you are satisfied. I would just get hungry again too soon or satisfied on too little.

I tried another where your main intake was 3 protein shakes a day with unlimited grapes and pickles. The theory was that you needed something you actually chewed. I don’t think I lost anything on this one, maybe because I added peanut butter to the shakes.

I tried Slim Fast and the Special K 2 cereal meals plan.

When I finally did start losing from my high weight in June 2008, I wasn’t on any plan at all. It was a combination of no more birth control + cutting out secret eating + a little more exercise.

By the end of that year I was down to the low 140s from 170 and my weight loss stalled. I bounced around in the 140s, still struggling with secret eating, but doing better than before and running 1-2 times a week, more in the summer & holidays.

In August 2010, I decided to get back to the old me. I decided I looked gross (then I was 148- not actually overweight) restarting the image problems I had in college. I looked up the Weight Loss 4 Idiots again because it worked last time, if by “worked” you mean made the scale drop. I decided I’d just eat a bit more at each meal to keep my energy up.  Since the last time I used it, they had added a plan called “Beyond Calories” where you get to eat 6 mini meals a day. I liked the sound of that, so I purchased the plan and printed it out so I could continue to use it when it expired.

Each day you had 6 meals of foods in different combinations from 4 different categories that roughly were fruits, veggies, proteins, and all of them together.  You were supposed to follow the plan for 12 days & take 2 off, but I actually went 5 days on & 2 days off. And it “worked.”  I’d gain a little back each weekend, but would still average a couple pounds lost each week.  I didn’t feel totally unenergetic like other times. I had energy to run.

At the end of September, I found tumblr.  I found thinspo blogs and “healthy” weight loss blogs alike eating >1200 cals a day and exercising some of the off and thinking they were healthy because it’s not like they were starving. I joined myplate on livestrong.com and entered my calories of a couple days on the plans. I found out I’d been eating like those other girls- under 1,000, and I didn’t even realize it. I thought I was fine because I didn’t feel hungry.

Once I was down to 135, 5 pounds from my then goal of 130, I stopped the plan and switched to counting calories. I set the goal on myplate to 2 lbs/week witch put my net goal around 1000 cal/day. Some days I’d go a little over, but usually I was under that. I always tried to eat at least 1000, so I thought I was doing okay. I looked at others (I won’t name names, but most of them have also learned better now) who looked amazing and ate 1000-1200 and worked out more than me, so I thought I was definitely safe.

I didn’t actually learn more about what your body needs to sustain itself until the beginning of 2011. That was also around when I hit my “grown up” low weight of 127 and decided I was tired of counting calories.

I wish I could say that all of my weight loss was healthy and hold it up as an example of how you can eat more than you think and still lose weight, but it’s not. I’m sorry if I lose respect and lose followers for this. If you choose to leave because of it, please let me know that’s why. Normally I wouldn’t ask such a thing because I know there are so many reasons for unfollowing.

I am healthy now, and whenever I feel like I may not be eating enough, whether I’m maintaining or trying to get back to maintenance range, I plug in my intake to make sure I’m all right.

So there’s my story. I don’t know if it will help someone. Maybe it will help you not to judge when someone isn’t eating a healthy amount. They may just be uneducated, like I was. Help them out in a kind way. If they accept your help, then that’s wonderful.  If they blow it off, let it go. Maybe they’ll remember in the future.

“what do you mean when you say you are "scraping"?”

“Hi Nikki, I just started following you and I'm glad I found your blog! I was wondering if your students know about your running and exercising or if there's never been any way that it has come up. Also, do you have any pets? Sorry if you've already addressed these, I didn't see them around your blog! :) Have a nice day!”

What did you eat for breakfast?

Kashi GoLean! Crisp cinnamon w/ unsweetened vanilla almond milk

How much water do you drink each day?

Depends on how good I am about refilling my bottles.

What is your current favorite workout?

Running. 

How many calories do you eat each day?

However much I’m hungry for. I don’t count unless I think I haven’t eaten enough. 

What are your favorite healthy snacks?

• Greek yogurt w/ fruit and protein powder mixed in
• dark chocolate w/ almonds
• fruit by itself

What do you usually eat for lunch?

sandwich thin or flatout wrap with (usually) turkey or chicken, feta, and spinach; a salad or other veggie

I usually snack twice during the day, so I don’t eat  a lot at lunch

What is your favorite body part to train?

whatever running counts as, so legs & lungs?

What is your least favorite body part to train?

resistance training for legs

What are your “bad” food cravings?

chocolate things in ice cream and melty cheesy things.

Do you take vitamins or supplements?

I take a multivitamin, but not every day because I don’t want to get too much vitamin A

How often do you eat out?

not that much besides my secret eating

Do you eat fast food?

see above

Who is your biggest supporter?

Jeremy and tumblr

Do you have a gym membership?

nope

How many hours of sleep do you get each night?

I’m in bed at least 8 hours weeknights, but it takes a while to fall asleep, so I usually get 7-7.5. Fri. & Sat. nights I get 9-10. 

During the summers I get 9 every night and feel amazing.

Do you have a “cheat” day?

not specifically. I have times when I’m purposely more lax

Do you drink alcohol?

only in cough syrup, and I don’t even know if they make it that way any more

Do you have a workout buddy?

not really, but I’ll hopefully start trailrunning with Pam when I’m done with school.

What is the best thing that has changed about your life since committing to a healthy lifestyle?

finding cuter clothes at thrift stores

j/k

running faster

I would say more confidence, but I’m still working on that

spending less money on food

What was the last healthy thing you did?

finished water bottle #1

cleaningout:

This question comes to you from my mother, and a lot of people who send me asks. My mom WAS a yo-yo dieter, and every diet she’d ever been on recommended fruit and vegetables in excess…except some diets swore off “high carb” vegetables. She wanted to know what the deal was with this, so I thought…

1. There is no such thing as a zero calorie or negative calorie fruit/vegetable/food/etc.

I think this is one of the biggest myths. The rest of the info is great, too.

“This is completely random and I'm sorry if you've answered this publicly before. What age group do you teach?”

“Any tips for someone who is reasonably new to running? (I ride my bike for exercise)”

“How do you do your measurements? Like, where do you measure? I finally got a measuring tape (scale = not accurate!), but im not really sure what to measure.”

I’ve been open about my unhealthy relationship with food when it comes to the secret eating, but I don’t know that I’ve ever really discussed the other end of the spectrum, here or back on hifitness.  

Warning, some of this may be somewhat triggering. Tell me if you think I should put this under a cut (either because of triggers or length).

I have to take you way back to Christmas break my sophomore year of college- the first few days of 2002.  It was the last day that Jeremy was visiting at my parents’ house. We had gone to walk around at a mall, and I had been a little bothered by the tightness of my pants the whole time. We stood in front of the mirror in the upstairs bathroom, and I asked Jeremy if I had gotten fat. He said that I looked fine.  I said that surely I looked like I had gained weight*, and after me pressing him on it, he finally said I “looked a little poochy**.”

The closest picture to the time I had, this was about a month earlier and I’d probably gained a tad more from holiday foods.:

I don’t know what I weighed at the time. My parents didn’t have a working scale. But hearing him say it (even though I pushed him to it) made something click in my brain. After he left to head back to Montgomery, I spent an hour doing leg lifts, crunches, lunges, and stuff.  

Starting the next day, I began to only eat when I was hungry and stop as soon as I was satisfied. Sounds like a good plan, right?

When I went back to school a few days later, I started going to the workout trailer 4 or 5 nights a week. (lol… now they have an actual fitness center, but still no real gym.) I would run a  mile on the treadmill to warm up, then do a circuit of abs and legs, ride the stationary bike 10 or 15 min., do another circuit, run another mile.  I would wake up extra early before class to run a lap around campus (about 1.5 mi.) 4 or 5 days a week.  I continued with eating in that way. I had salad (with other things, too) every day for lunch.  I usually had to snack between meals since I was eating less at a time. I bought a tape measure so I could track my progress and measure when my roommate went to class so she wouldn’t know.

Then I saw something online about getting free  samples of ephedra pills. I ordered them. I took them and suddenly it was easy for me to get up so early to run because I wasn’t as sleepy.  I think I might have lost a 1/2” from my waist in the 5 days I took them.  This whole time I had no idea what I weighed, but I liked that I was getting smaller.

Jamboree practice started and we’d do choreography practice a few hours a night most days of the week, but still I’d go workout afterward.  A friend asked me if I was okay because I had noticeably lost weight and I hadn’t needed to. I told her I was just eating healthy for the first time in my life, and it’s not like I was as small as _____, ______, and _______. No one else ever said anything.

Then Jeremy and I got engaged. The night of my candlelighting, I still squeezed in workout time right after Jamboree practice and slipped right in just before curfew when it would begin.

(Me that night after being put in the fountain)

I took the leftover cake to my room. I licked off all the frosting from the bottom of the container. You can’t have a problem if you still eat straight frosting, right?

I still felt like I had too much fat because my stomach wasn’t flat and still made rolls when I sat down and I could still pinch “a lot” of fat.

The next weekend I went home and tried on wedding dresses. Many of the samples were too big.

We found a dress that was a prom dress. It was a 5- a size I hadn’t worn since before I was done growing. 

My best friend’s mom- a P.E. teacher and runner- asked me about my weight loss. I told her that I was just running again and eating better, and since I still wasn’t any thinner than her kids naturally were, she didn’t press it.

At their house:

The weekend after spring break, we went to Jeremy’s family’s house.  We were lounging on the bed watching T.V., and I got up to go to the bathroom.  When I stood up, I wobbled and almost collapsed.  Then my stomach growled. Jeremy asked what I had eaten, and I told him I’d had a (small) bowl of cereal and some (it was probably around 5 or 6) baby carrots. That’s how little it took to keep me from feeling hungry. It was about 3 in the afternoon. He asked just how much weight I had lost, and I said I had no idea, probably around 5 pounds.  He made me go weigh myself on the scale in his parents’ bathroom. 122. Fully dressed.

That meant that I was around 8 lbs less than my normal weight in high school while running & playing soccer. But the number really meant nothing to me. I hadn’t been weighing myself the whole time. Anyway, I could still grab fat.

I did go eat, though, even though I wasn’t hungry. The dizziness scared me.

I don’t think I lost any more after that. I continued with my eating only when hungry and exercise for the rest of the school year, but my metabolism had probably reached the point where I wouldn’t lose any more doing the same thing.

During the summer, it was harder because I had home-cooked meals.  I was also scared about not fitting in my wedding dress.  It was a little looser when I got home at first, so I relaxed some. Then it would get tight again, so I would cut back.

I was babysitting a few days a week, so on my off days, I would run. I measured it to be 4 miles. I would also take the baby for walks and do crunches when he was playing alone.

At some point I picked up a calorie counting book. I had never counted calories. I had been “listening to my body” the whole time. I clearly remember one day eating under 500 calories. I had no idea that wasn’t enough.  I really thought I was being healthy.  I would also only poop every 3 days or so. My waist got to below 25”, the smallest it had been. Somewhere between the lack of pooping and my waist size, I got scared and started eating more again.  I still had my wedding dress on the back of my mind, though.

to be continued (probably next week, possibly tomorrow night.)

“Hi! 1) You're beautiful and your progress is amazing! 2) I'm thinking about pursuing teaching as a career, or atleast entering the faculty this coming year in university. What made you want to become a teacher? What makes you enjoy teaching? Just wondering! If you don't want to answer, all good :) Have a good one!”